


Karkat: deny feelings==>

by dieForgotten



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Concussions, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shitty OTP, Slurred speech, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieForgotten/pseuds/dieForgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What feelings? You are aware of all of your feelings. You certainly don't pity...him! Fuck no!<br/>Hahahahaha! No that was not nervous laughter! STFU.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe a little bit...</p><p> </p><p>First fic. Suggestions along with hate, people! Yes I know it's a shitty pairing. Fuck you. This WILL be finished!</p><p>Edit: This is pretty shitty looking back on it. I'm much more of an artist than a writer. If you were able to even slightly enjoy this, I commend you. I'll be leaving this up, but probably only writing short fluff from now on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Woozy Brain-Diarrhea

You are hunched over on the couch, typing away at your husktop with a fury that indicates you are on one of your regular rants. Your claws clack away with an almost painfully loud sound, muttering to yourself seethingly all the while.

CG: HOW ON ALTERNIA DID YOU THINK THAT THAT WAS FUNNY YOU STEAMING PILE OF SHIT! I COULDVE GOTTEN KILLED BY YOUR INSANE PROGRAM!  
CG: I ONLY JUST GOT CRABDAD CALM ENOUGH SO HE WOULD STOP CLACKING LOUD ENOUGH FOR MOTHERGRUB HERSELF TO GO DEAF!  
CG: IF I COULD REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN I WOULD STRANGLE YOU!  
TA: ehehe  
TA: dude calm down. iit wa2 ju2t a te2t run.  
TA: completey 2afe  
CG: A FULLY ARMED DIGITAL TROLL CLIMBED OUT OF MY DISK DRIVE AND TRIED TO CULL ME.  
CG: YOU CALL THAT SAFE YOU DOUBLY MORONIC FUCKMUNCH?!

You throw your hands up in defeat.

TA: but 2eriiou2ly that had two be 2ome funny 2hiit. whiich one of you kiilled the program  
CG: IT GLICHCHED OUT AND OFFED ITSELF YOU TREMENDOUS DOUCHE.  
TA: what  
CG: YOU HEARD ME. YOU FINALLY FAILED TO PROGRAM SOMETHING PROPERLY.  
CG: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE INCOMPETENT AT YOUR ONLY MASTERED SKILL?

Suddenly your other Trollian window pings.

“Wait, what? When the ever-loving fuck did I start talking to someone else?” You consider this for no more than two seconds when it pings again. This, your intuition tells you, will require your full attention.

CG: SORRY BUT I HAVE TO GO. SOME OTHER IDIOT IS BOTHERING ME.  
CG: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU FIXED THE BUG.  
carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling twinArmageddons

That…was a little harsh. You think as you close the window. What the hell is going on? Everything feels…weird. Oh well, may as well see what this idiot wants.

caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)  
CA: kar  
CA: kaaar  
CG: WHAT IS IT YOU AQUATIC NOOK-SNIFFER  
CA: wwell…ivve been feelin pretty lousy lately and…  
CG: OUT WITH IT  
CG: I DON’T HAVE ALL NIGHT  
CA: you see ivve been meanin to tell you somethin…important  
CA: kar I pity you  
CG: WHAT  
CA: like alot <3  
CG: oh  
CA: wwhats wwrong  
CG: ITS JUST THAT I  
CG: I PITY YOU TOO

_Wait what? When did this happen and who the FUCK forgot to tell me?_

CA: wwell noww our feelins are out in the open  
CA: wwhat noww?

All of a sudden, you sit bolt upright. Why are you on the floor? Why is there blood, your blood, coloring the tile that hideous hue? In the hazy vision of a possible concussion, you see your lusus finishing off the program that so very clearly did not fail and did not off itself.

Of course. The programming was flawless. You asked for a challenge and Sollux delivered. Only a concussed dream bound to wishful thinking could make him fail.

Wait a minute.

_WAIT_ one _FUCKING_ minute!

Since when does wishful thinking on your part involve Eridan FUCKING Ampora having feelings for you?!  
Thank whoeverthefuck that that was all a dream. Gogdammit, you really weren’t yourself. You pass it off as woozy brain-diarrhea, and try to help Crabdad with repairs.


	2. Slurred Speech and Sadistic Subconscious

Two nights later and your head is still fuzzy and sore. You have to ask your friends to video chat because you can barely find your way down the stairs let alone read that tiny fucking text on that annoyingly bright screen. Your first attempt at this ended horribly. You would later find this raving atrocity in your archived chat logs.

terminallyCapricious (TC) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)  
TC: WhAt Is Up My MoThErFuCkInG bRo! :o)  
CG: I CACNT SEWE SHDIT@  
TC: UuUhH…  
TC: WhAt?  
CG: IMIJ FUFCKING DIZYU ASND I CANZT FIDND THWER GOFG DAAMNAN KEYDFS!2  
TC: :o?  
CG: PALEAS JUSDT VISDAEO CCUET FDOR THER LOSNVE ODF *FGCUCK*!A  
TC: BrO yOu OkAy?  
CG: V  
CG: I  
CG: D  
CG: E  
CG: O  
CG: C  
CG: H  
CG: A  
CG: T

You, of course, give Sollux a piece of your fucking think-pan, knowing full well that you’re partially to blame. Every time you chat with someone they all point out how awful you look and how your speech is slightly slurred. You tell them all through said slurred speech to “F’ck off,”

You try to forget about that awkward part of your concussed dream. When you thought about it for too long and mulled over the feeling it brought up when you woke you get a vague sense of…disappointment? No. No way in fucking hell. You must have been disappointed that Sollux didn’t finally fail! Yeah!

Speaking of which that asshole laughed for almost two straight minutes at your temporary speech impediment.

“Shu’ th’ f’ck up Cap’or!”

“Hahaha! Thith ith awethome! Welcome two the club, athwipe!”

“Las’ I checked I w’sn’ lisp’ng an’, oh yeah, I’S F’CK’NG TEMP’RARY YOU ‘NCESSAN’ SHI’-S’AIN!”

“Dude, chill! It wath jutht an obthervation! What crawled up your wathte-chute and died?”

“I DON’ wanna talk abou’ i’.”

You don’t even want to think about it. Your subconscious clearly loves to screw with you. And yet when you realize movie night is next week, you’re blushing despite yourself. Fuck. This is going to be a long few days…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat translations:  
> I CANT SEE SHIT!;  
> IM FUCKING DIZZY AND I CANT FIND THE GOGDAMN KEYS!  
> PLEASE JUST VIDEOCHAT FOR THE LOVE OF *FUCK*!  
> "Shut the fuck up, Captor!";  
> "Last I checked, I wasn't lisping and, oh yeah, IT'S FUCKING TEMPORARY YOU INCESSANT SHIT-STAIN!";  
> "I DON'T want to talk about it."
> 
> Just in case no-one could read it when I projectile vomited commas everywhere.  
> And no, before you ask, this concussion thing is not a kink of mine, just a plot point to move things along. If it's your thing, cool, you do you, I won't judge. Also, YAY! Actual dialouge!


	3. Debating Troll Titanic (Abbreviated Title) With Your Flush-Cru-FRIEND

Eridan tries to contact you several times over the next few days. By now your vision has cleared up enough to see the text and type a coherent response.He wants to know what kind of movie to bring over. It’s his turn to bring one.

Your little cinema nerd group consists of a few close-ish friends: you, Sollux, Gamzee (who insists on bringing Tavros for whatever bullshit reason, fuck if you know), Terezi, and Eridan. You can usually only meet once twice a pedigree because of someone’s FLARPing and Sollux’s gaming and coding. The moron clown cultist sometimes forgets to show up, which makes everyone feel awkward as you yell into your palmhusk at his hazy, raspy, gogdamned giggle-happy voicemail in the other room.

Everyone takes turns bringing movies, and usually brings their current favourite. Last time it was Terezi’s turn; she brought a court ‘drama’ which bored everyone half to death. There wasn’t even the trashy, predictable romantic sub-plot between the legislaterator and the accused. It was basically a regular court proceeding. The Snore-fest championship was a three-way tie between You, Sollux and Gamzee. Tavros was politely spending his efforts staying awake and Eridan was actually interested, however mildly. He poked you and the other two gold medal winners awake when it finished, just before Terezi turned, grinning expectantly. You also take turns saving each-others asses like that.

So it obviously comes as a surprise that someone actually wants to know what the others would like to see, rather than boring them with the pick of their choice.

caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)

CA: kar wwhat do you think i should bring

CA: i dont wwant to bore you all to death wwith my navval movvies

CA: and before you say anythin yes i knoww you all hate them

Your first thought is ROMCOM, but you know that everyone else prefers a little more drama with their quadrant-type films. For some reason you also want a bit more angst than usual. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re pining for one of your best fr- _**NO.**_ No, no, so much nope. You’re just feeling a little wonky still. That is fucking it.

CG: I WAS THINKING SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF ‘IN WHICH ONE LOWBLOOD BOARDS A DOOMED SHIP AND MEETS A GORGEOUS HIGHBLOOD YADDA-YADDA CONTAINING ONE FLUSHED SCENE IN A CAR BLAH-DEE-*FUCKING*-BLAH AND THE HIGHBLOOD LAYS ON A PIECE OF DEBREE WHILE THE LOWBLOOD FREEZES TO DEATH IN THE OCEAN’.

There that combines both of your retarded interests. The others will just have to fucking deal with it. You never said you weren’t fucking selfish when you were upset.

CA: good idea

CA: the detailin on the ship is amazin

CG: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER.

CG: DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THE MAIN PLOTS FINALE IS A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING THAN THAT CGI SHITFEST THEY CALL AN AQUATIC VESSEL?

CA: its not a shitfest

CA: and besides ivve told you a thousand fuckin times 

CG: OH MY GOG.

CG: DONT YOU *FUCKING* DARE AMPORA.

CA: there wwas room enough on that wwooden plank for the lowwblood

CG: AERYGCFHNF GGKLSDL;UHTSEFGJSDFM,DHGH

You bash your head against the keyboard and dutifully attempt to fuse your face with it, pounding your fist into the back of your head. _Does this fish fucker have no sense of romantic tragedy?_ You ask yourself.

CA: wwoah calm dowwn kar

CA: actually wwhen i think about it the highblood probably could havve survvivved in the ocean on account a her blood bein all ice cold and all that hoofbeast shit

CG: GH,ZXFHHZJKLDFJ,HJJGKJ.L/OUUIFTFGJH,FGJH

CA: wwhich renders the heroes sacrifice at least a thousand times more stupid

CG: JUST BRING THE DAMN MOVIE.

CA: im not sayin its a bad movvie

CA: i wwant to wwatch it as much as you do

CA: youre just so damn adorable wwhen youre pissed

You type out a scathing reply and-wait, _WHAT?!_

Your eyes read and re-read those eight words, your face flushing a light scarlet. Your flustered sputtering brings Crabdad to the door of your respiteblock, clacking with annoyed concern. You type out a new reply, waving Crabdad away.

CG: KEEP IT IN YOUR STRIPED HIPSTER PANTS AMPORA.

CA: i didnt mean it like that kar geez

CG: FINE. JUST DONT FORGET ABOUT MOVIE NIGHT TOMMOROW.

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling caligulasAquarium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry 'bout the stumpy last chapter. Here's one that's almost as long as the last two combined!


	4. Be the Douchefin ==>

Tonight is movie night and you’re really excited! It’s your pick and you’ve decided, with the help of Karkat, to watch a tragic nautical romance. You do think you might have upset him a little, though, what, with calling him adorable and all, but you thought he could have been a little less curt. You expected a little more of a long winded rant. (Not that that would have been ideal, but it would’ve better than the response you got instead.) You’re glad you were able to play it off as a joke, though. If your gossip buddy knew how nugbone-over-strut pods you were for him, he might… well you doubt it would go over well.

You heave yourself onto Seahorsedad’s saddle and start making your way to your friend’s hive. If you get there late enough, it may turn into a sleep-over, and you wouldn’t want to push that on him.

You’ve had a crush on the small troll for a while. You can trace it back to when you’d been chatting for a sweep or two online. It had a slow sort of progression. At first, it seemed like a passing thing, easy to ignore. Then came the awkward stage of full realization and true suffering that no one else ever seems to understand. You spent a week or two ignoring everyone on Trollian, crying in your respiteblock. Every once in a while you think of that time and you cringe. You settled into acceptance about a half-pedigree after that, a little before movie night was a thing. When you actually met him in person, you almost had to start the grief process all over again. He was compact (still is by your perspective) and WOW, if you thought his rants were intense online, you should try being 30 minutes late for movie night. You were always on time after that.

After a while, land appears far below you. Then little clusters of hives begin to dot the landscape, slowly crowding together to form rows upon rows of small, sculpture-like abodes. Your sniper sight locates Kar’s hive with practiced ease and you swoop down and land on the front step.

Walking up to the door, you grab the handle then hear something that makes you hesitate. Crying. Shouting in this household is normal, as is screeching. But crying? Something’s up.

“Kar, are you okay?” You call, opening the door cautiously. The first thing you notice is that the pane-flaps are closed. Everything is darker than normal. The second thing you notice are the tissues littering the floor of Karkat’s recreation block. There’s a fluid staining them. You can’t tell the exact color in the darkened room, but it’s diluted enough to be tears. Good. Well, at least good in the sense that no one’s bleeding. You hear a raspy hiccough coming from the couch. You round the piece of furniture, only to see your best friend curled around himself, sniffling. He doesn’t appear to notice you right away, he looks to lost in his apparent misery.

“Kar,” He starts noticeably. When he looks up, his face is blotchy and… red? You can’t tell. He seems to have been crying for a while.

”The fuck do you want,” he growls, but there’s no heat in it.

“Has anyone else showwn up yet?”

He sniffles audibly.

“No,”

“Wwhat’s wwrong, Kar?”

“Don’t call me that,”

“Wwhy not?” At this, his cheeks color slightly. He takes his palmhusk into his hand and gets his sound buds out. He pops them in his auricular openings and tunes you out.

“Come _on_. You do this evvery time there’s a problem.”

Silence.

“Dammit, Kar!” You take one of the sound buds out and pop it in your own canal.

My Chemical Quadrants is playing.

_When the lights go out_

_Will you take me with you_

_And carry all this broken bone_

_Through six years down in crowded rooms_

_And highways I call home?_

_Something I can't know 'til now._

_'Til you pick me off the ground_

_With a brick in hand, your lip-gloss smile, Your scraped-up knees._

His quadrant playlist.

“Kar, if somethin’s wwrong, you can tell me,”

“Fuck off,”

“Is it your quadrants?”

“Flushed. Wait- _SHIT!_ ” he stammers “Forget you heard anything, got it?”

Your heart sinks. If only you could forget. Karkat has a flush crush. It’s over. Melodramatic thoughts worm their way up from your hind-pan. Your face falls and your fins droop dramatically, before you can stop them. He notices.

“What the nook-humping shit are you so depressed about all of a sudden?” There’s a tone almost like hope in his voice, though you can’t decipher it through all the negative thoughts in your head.

_I’ll nevver be good enough._

_I’ll nevver get to hold him like I wwant._

_As soon as I get home I’m gonna lock myself in my hivve and nevver come out again._

“Hey, asshole! I’m talking to you!”

“Kar, I-“

_DING-DONG_

“Fuck! Eridan, help me clean this shit up. I think the others are here,”

You resign yourself to picking up tear soaked rags as you silently wish you’d never shown up this early.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo-hoo! I'm not dead! It was difficult to write from his perspective, but I did It! Enjoy.


	5. In Which Eridan Ignores All Of The Signs. All Of Them.

“Thith ith THO lame,” Sollux complains, loudly. The film is apparently not up to his extremely high standards.

“Shut your lisping ass up, bulgelick,” Karkat counters, classy as always. “Need I remind you of the last time you picked the movie?” Everyone shudders. No. No, he need not. The East Alternian horror genre is not one for the faint of pump biscuit.

You’re almost all seated in the various chairs around Kar’s recreation block. Terezi is lying on the floor, and the host is starting up the moviegrub, with a generous amount of muttered curses. You are seated on the far end of the couch glaring straight ahead menacingly, daring anyone to talk or even look at you.

  
“Hey, Fishbro,” Gamzee drawls quizzically as he notices your slouched, pouting form, “what’s got you all up and depressed?”

  
“When is he not depressed?” cackles the Tealblood, turning to grin. God, she’s creepy.

  
“Fuck all a you dirtscrapers,” you mumble into your scarf. Everyone is used to you being a dick at this point. Most of them will laugh it off, flip you the middle claw and move on with their night. You’re pretty sure tonight will be no different. Please, let them leave you alone. If they pry anymore, you are going to fucking cry.

  
“There! Fucking finally!” Karkat declares triumphantly, as the opening sequence begins. He hops onto the couch beside you. You see him out of the corner of you gander-bulb, looking at you in the dim light with an odd expression. You turn to him in order to analyse the expression further, but he turns away in a manner oddly resembling something you may or may not have done a few times in the past.

  
\----

  
The movie plays on, with the occasional quip from Sollux accompanied by a not-so-quiet ‘SHH,’ from Kar. Terezi tries not to laugh, while Gamzee hangs upside-down over the armchair. Tavros is sitting on the floor, his robotic legs folded politely underneath him, manning a losing battle over the carpet fuzz.

  
_“I’ll never let go, Jack!”_

  
“Laaame,” Popcorn flies at the screen, enveloped in blue and red psiionics.

  
_Bad movve, Sol_ you think, just as the movie is paused abruptly.

  
Karkat puts down the remote, calmly walks over to Captor and punches him in the gut.

 

“Oh like that actually hurt me, athwipe,”

  
“You will be quiet for the rest of this movie, or, so help me GOD, I will make you watch every episode of Thresh Prince of Bel Air while you perform a sword swallowing act WITH YOUR OWN MUTATED BULGE! HAVE I MADE MYSELF FUCKING CLEAR!”

  
“Fine! Geeth,” Sollux looks a little intimidated and wisely decides to watch the remainder of the film in silence.

  
“Impressivve,” you state as Kar sits back down beside you. He unpauses the movie and rests his head on your shoulder.

  
Within a split second sirens go off in your head because _ohmygod he’s right there! Do friends do this? Is this a bro moment? Fuck it’s a bro moment, isn’t it? Fuck my life._

  
“Eridan, are you okay?” Why’s Ter asking if you’re okay? What happened?

  
“E.D., you’re crying. You don’t uthually get emotional over dumb movieth,”

  
Fuck, your face is wet. Everyone’s staring at you. Fucking shit!

  
“I havve to go to the wwashroom,” you walk briskly out of the room, up the stairs, and slam the bathroom door behind you, sinking to the floor. You walked out quickly enough not to see Karkat looking dizzily and mortified at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, Homestuck is over. Except for the epilouge, we're done. But! The fandom will live on! I am not going to stop writing and drawing, so this fic will be continued. Karkat's getting dizzy again, which I'm going to use to advance the plot, finally. That's how concussions work, right? Whatever, close enough. Karkles' perspective in the next chapter! Let's keep this fandom going until the end of time! B)


	6. It's About Goddamn Time

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you may have just screwed up your love life forever.

“Well _that_ just happened,” Terezi stated after a few seconds.

“What’th hith problem?”

“I’m gonna go talk t’ him,”

You rush up the stairs to- okay maybe rush is a strong word. You fumble up the stairs like a goddamn tool because fucking concussions is why. The ablution block is locked when you finally make it around the twisting hallways your idiot younger self designed. You can hear Eridan inside talking tearily to someone on his communication device.

“It’s just not gonna happen, Fef… _Yes_ I’m sure he has a flushcrush… Howw long do you think I’vve knowwn him for? He told me himself! No I didn’t tell him howw I felt! I’m not _gonna_ tell him. Remember wwhen I tried tellin you… Yeah, Fef I get that that wwas a wwhile ago… _Yeah_ I movved on, geez! I just- howw in the name a Neptune is it different noww; I knoww Kar isn’t flushed for me!”

Wait, _WHAT_? You must’ve misheard him. You hope you didn’t, but hope is a stupid thing. It just ruins reality for you. It gives your expectations steroids then reality beats them to a pulp with a sledgehammer.

“Yeah, gonna go home noww. See ya soon… You’re the best diamond I could ask for.”

Fuck.

Eridan opens the door and you almost fall down. That doorknob was the only thing keeping you steady. Shit would like very much to take the handle back now. As in you are a piece of shit and you need the fucking door handle right now _please and thank you_!

“Oh, s-sorry Kar I wwas just leavvin,”

“Eridan if I could think clearly I wouldn’ be doing this,” What the hell are you doing.

“Wwha-,”

And then you’re kissing him. Sloppily. You can’t focus on anything, so you try to relax because he’s kissing you back, softly, slowly, like a movie. Except in the movies you watch, neither party has a concussion, nor are there any interruptions from annoying friends.

“Pay up, Craptor,”

“I thought for _sure_ there wath gonna be a fitht-fight!” Sollux digs into his pocket mournfully.

“No way, bro! I knew they were gonna get together at some point,” Gamzee interjects as Terezi licks her winnings gleefully.

“Uh, guys? The movie is still going, so, um, could we get back to that instead of m-making bets?”

“And making OUT!” cackles the Seer.

“Hey, Sol,” Eridan says calmly.

“Yeah?”

“You wwere right about the fist-fight,”

“What?” His fist connects with Sollux’s face and the rest of you assholes have to pull them apart to keep them from killing each other. You all go back to the recreation block and watch the end of the movie, but this time you have Eridan’s arm around you and a dumb feeling in your blood pusher. Movie night was fucking _awesome_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be writing more stories at some point, but for now i have to start school again.  
> Got an idea for humanstuck. See you all soon! B)


End file.
